Jo Hyun Jae

“The green-eyed monster” is of course JEALOUSY, if you know your Shakespeare (from “Othello”.)  In a Q & A when asked what book that he has read most impressed him, Jo Hyun-Jae answered: “The 4 great tragedies of Shakespeare” (of which “Othello” is one.)

I have been brooding on this topic for some time, not sure if I should write about it.  This is not kiss-and-tell and I am not naming any names.  If you recognize yourself in it, perhaps the problem is more universal than I thought.

Call me naive, but I’ve always felt that if you like a certain actor, it is between you and the actor.  It is nobody else’s business, not even your husband’s.  Being a fan means you buy his DVDs or CDs, watch his dramas, listen to his music, search for news of him on the internet, occasionally attend some fan meetings, and, if you’re lucky, maybe you can even make a friend or two.  Perfectly harmless activities, right?

Wrong!  According to some husbands.  Last year when we were placing orders for Jo Hyun-Jae’s 2009 calendars on the web, I read about some fans who were worried about what their husbands would think.  Many wrote they could only buy the desk calendar which could be hidden but not the wall calendar which was too big.  I remember thinking: What is there to hide?  What kind of husband would be jealous of some Korean actor whom his wife will probably never see?  Are there really so many insecure men in this great country of ours?

One fan in particular caught my attention.  She was equally proficient in both English and Chinese, and she appeared to be a bright and spirited young lady who was totally devoted to JHJ (in a sensible way.)  She was one of the earliest contributors to our blog.  She was also very active on other websites.  And then about four months ago she just disappeared altogether, vanished without a trace.  I remember thinking: How strange!  There could only be two likelihoods: either she has given up on JHJ or something terrible happened to her.  Now you don’t just fall out of love with someone like that, so I worry that she may be in trouble.  No news of her at all until recently when I heard from another source that something terrible has indeed happened to her.

Her husband discovered her “obsession” with JHJ and treated the whole thing like an affair.  Having an affair with JHJ?  How ridiculous!  He was so jealous he reacted like a cuckolded husband.  He checked out all the JHJ websites she frequented; he read all her e-mails, MSN, SKYPE, etc.  What an invasion of privacy!  I find this absolutely appalling!  And he forbids her to have anything to do with anyone who has anything to do with JHJ.  So her fellow fans cannot contact or communicate with her.

No, you are not reading the synopsis of a horror movie.  This happened right here and right now, among us, in the 9th year (or is it 10th?) of the 21st century.  Unbelievable, isn’t it?  A man who displays such irrational jealousy has to be basically insecure, probably has an inferiority complex too.  What he does not realize is the problem is not with JHJ or his wife, but with himself.  He should take a good hard look at himself in the mirror.  Jealousy is a most unattractive trait in a person, especially a man.  It does not mean he loves his wife; it simply means he is afraid of losing her to someone better.

Jealousy manifests itself in many forms.  Here is another true story.  Jealousy in women is more horrible than in men because women are more spiteful.  Many JHJ fans have taken to learning Korean because of him.  One fan in particular is very serious in her studies, devoting 5 hours a day to this foreign language.  She has been writing to JHJ – in Korean – every week since he entered the army in August 2008.  Last month she came home from work and saw a large brown envelope with her Korean name on it.  It contained an AUTOGRAPHED mousepad addressed to her and sent to her by JHJ!  She was so happy she posted it on a website and wrote about her joy and surprise.  Next thing she was attacked right and left; she became a target of other jealous fans (one in particular) who are green with envy.  Why are you singled out to receive this favour from JHJ?  Who do you think you are?  So many people work so hard on his behalf and never receive anything; what makes you so special?  So now you think you can flaunt about this? blah, blah, blah!!!

Before this fan told me about her distressing experience, she asked me how I would feel if I knew someone has an autograph of JHJ.  I said I would feel very happy for the lucky fan.  For myself, I won’t ask JHJ for an autograph even if I have an opportunity.  I don’t need anything from him.  I am content to watch him from a distance.  I have been writing him every week for the last year – in English (alas!)  I don’t know whether he understands what I write, or even reads what I write.  But it doesn’t matter.  I just want him to know he is in our hearts and we are here waiting for him.  It must get lonely in the barracks sometimes, so just knowing he is not forgotten (in spite of the dearth of news) must mean something to him.

If this lucky fan had chosen our blog to share her experience (but she wan’t aware of our existence then), she would have been given star treatment.  This unsolicited autograph shows: 1) JHJ does read his fan mail; 2) he cares about his fans; and 3) he is a polite and grateful person.  We know all this already, but this is further proof of the kind of artist and man that he is.  Now don’t go overwhelm JHJ with letters and expect him to send you something in return.  We should not expect or demand anything from him.

My Japanese friend once told me: “The world of JHJ is very complex.”  I didn’t give it much thought then, but now I wonder why this is so.  JHJ is a simple person (in the best sense of the word, meaning “straightforward, uncomplicated, unpretentious”), and liking him is a simple matter of taste.  Why do some people have to complicate and distort things?  Why do people have to play games?  I’ve always thought JHJ fans are, on the whole, older, more matured, better educated, more refined, more balanced, more sensible than the run-of-the-mill fans, but now I am not so sure.  I suppose it all boils down to the individual — the sort of person that you are.  I am happy to say the JHJ fans that I associate with (very few) are all like me (all nice people, Ha!Ha!) but someone tells me the other day I’m the exception rather than the rule.  If this is true (and I hope it isn’t), then sad day for JHJ!  And sad day for humanity!

(P.S. When I was looking for a photo for this post, I told my researcher [AKA M, my blog partner, as if we could afford a researcher!] I wanted a JHJ photo that would say to all the jealous husbands out there: “Look……and despair!”  She was convinced the one on the right would do the trick.  That half-smile!  Irresistible!)

(Credit: photos courtesy of EVERjohyunjae.co.kr.  Thanks!)